Wannabe Desi.

Its one of those days that I am in a zone of serious thinking about myself. These days I have started thinking too much.

I saw this video on facebook, posted by a friend. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clRgupTDuW4&feature=player_embedded). I never get scared seeing a video but for some reason was very scared after seeing this one. Makes me think if I am doing the right thing in life. Am I missing an important part of my life. Its been about six months that I left India. I am getting used to this place and thats the scariest part. US has been very kind to me so far, people have been very sweet (although some people say its not the true them, I beg to differ), its very scenic and beautiful but still I do not want a greencard, US citizenship, not even like being called NRI.

Looking back the only reason I came here was I needed a break form my work. And this was the most obvious path or rather a path followed by many before. All thats written in the SOP is not true.

Its almost like a catch22 situation now. Suddenly when I want to go back, I have the loan money running on me. Which means i cant go back after my masters. If all goes well, I would recover my money by working a couple of years after my MS. But do I want to wait that long?? Will I be able to make a decision after 2 years to go back?? These are questions that linger my mind and I still do not have an answer for them.

But the other question which is more interesting one. What do I want to do if I go back to India?? I do not have a clear idea of what I want to do, however I clearly know I do not want to do anything related what I am doing so far. If I had full freedom to do whatever I want, these were a few things I would have liked to do after going back to India.

Politics : Given the number of scams that are coming out, even I want to try and get my share. On a serious note I want to be part of it as I have a gut feeling that I will do good. Not because I am qualified to be there but just for the fact that I want to do good at that stage. This option looks very unrealistic for now.

Race Horse Trainer : The biggest motivation for this is I can combine and work with my uncles and brother. I feel the combination could be lethal. The pure pleasure of working with them would be killer. Although, profession by itself is very challenging one. But if I want to get into it, the biggest challenge is convincing my family for they feel there are enough people struggling there already.

Professor : This is the interesting of the ones for one reason that its actually a realistic one. I dont want to teach the technical stuff, atleast not the way it was taught to me. I want to make education more fun and more intuitive. I would like to take the approach of the US education system back to India.

There are a lot of things that are going to stop me from doing any of this. If I add all of them to this post, it will be unnecessarily long. That will be another post by itself.

So thats it for now.

Cheers,

Sri!!!

Warmup.

I am wondering what the title of the blog should be and am not able to find a suitable one. I do not know what I want to write in this blog but for sure know that I want to get back to writing in this space more consistently. Purely for my own satisfaction.

Friends: A very interesting word. A lot of people pass through my head when I think about this word. At times I feel good to have them all and also miss most of them. Its an interesting stage of life. I have friends doing everything, some are working, some are studying, some are getting back to work from studies. A few of them have married, a few are due this year and there are few who are still accompanying me in the single status. Its all goods so far. I somehow feel some of them could get really busy after marriage and not keep in touch . I hope I am wrong. Hopefully, a reunion of sorts will happen in December.

Family: If there is one thing I miss the most in US it should be my family. The funny part is amongst all the Indians who stay along with me, I call the least to India to speak to family. The reason is everytime I speak to them, I feel like going back. More over we have never been a family who expressed love, celebrated any fathers, mothers or any other type of days. I always thought to myself I am a cool guy and not the one who is too family oriented. Slowly, I realize that at the backdrop, I am a very family guy. And its damn cool to be one.

I have almost finished whatever I wanted to write. Still do not have a suitable title. Lets just call it a "Warmup" for now.

Cheers,
Sri